What A Weekend/Everyone Should Have Friends Like Mine

And I don't mean "What a weekend" in a good way.

I dog and house sat for two very dear friends. One of the dogs has developed some special needs over the past year. She is blind, but gets around okay except right after she wakes up. She also has IBS. I won't go into details here. Suffice it to say that she often needs to get outside RIGHT NOW and doesn't always wake up in time to do so. Even when she does wake up, she might start in the wrong direction and not want to believe me that I know where it is and it's this way and please, please, please hurry.

Friday night's multi-interrupted sleep was nothing compared to Saturday night's getting maybe three hours total and not more than an hour at a time. Each time she moved, I had to be ready to help her get outside. Even when she was asleep, I had to be aware of whining and tummy rumblings so I could wake her up in time. As I said in an email to Jenny, not conducive to sleeping or writing.

I would finally feel like I might maybe be starting to get a flow or words going and have to stop, deal with things and then try to figure out where I was and where I thought I was going. It only takes a few of these to just kill any desire to even try to put one word after the other. After about ten o'clock Sunday morning, I just quit trying.

There was a point late yesterday that I decided that not only was I going to throw in the towel on the contest, but on the whole writing thing. Why was I bothering? Most people seem to be quite content, happy even, going to work and coming home day after day. They might work out and/or go to movies or plays or concerts. But mostly they work and take care of their homes and families, and watch television. Basically what I do already except that I give short shrift to everything except the television watching, because I write or try to write or think I should be writing.

And then it happened.

I heard everyone's voice in my head. I heard Jenny, Ali, Fleur, Mary, Shane, Nicole and all the rest of the Pirates saying, "What the hell are you talking about? You're making excuses. Get over yourself and get back to work." I heard Carrie saying, "If you don't finish something for me to read, I'll shave your head. You won't even see it coming."

How great is that? They don't even have to be around to give me a verbal--mental?--bitch slap.

It's going to be like starting a marathon, getting out front in the first mile, stopping to have a big lunch--maybe a nap--and then deciding that you are going to try to win it after all. But I'm not throwing in the towel. I may finish dead last, but I'll finish. And I'll have more words of TNN than I had when I started. And that was sort of the point all along.

Synchronicity Again

I've been having a rough couple of weeks. Nothing major. No health issues or big money woes. Just a sort of malaise. An "I suck at everything" feeling. I get this once in a while. Lots of negative self-talk and such.

Mentioned my mood to Jenny and Ali before the CWC meeting last week, and Jenny said she'd been in a bad mood. Sort of an "I suck at everything" mood. Now we both know we don't suck at everything, but when one of these moods sets in, it's not about what we know but what we feel.

The next day I took a few of my trusty index cards and put together a set of affirmations. Positive responses to the negative things I'd been telling myself about myself. Started reading them a couple times a day. Unfortunately, my first few times through that nasty little voice answered each one with the nasty stuff I'd been telling myself. But repetition helps silence that. After a while it does help. So does letting myself relax. Doing other things I enjoy.

So, imagine my surprise when I check out Pat's blog and see a whole post on the dangers of negative self talk and some suggestions on what to do about it. Sometimes these things are just out there in the air.

And, if you're convinced that you too suck because something didn't turn out quite the way you planned or wasn't done when you thought it should have been (my personal suckage trigger), go over to Courtney's blog and listen to J.K. Rowling extol the virtues of failure.

By the way, YOU certainly don't suck, especially not at everything. And I'm realizing that I don't either.

Another Week...

And another week behind.

You don't want to hear about no time.

You don't want to hear about how other things crowd in and my time goes away.

You don't want to hear about getting a few minutes and then not having the energy to do anything.

Hell, I don't want to hear it.

Maybe I should just go make something happen.

I'll let you know how that works out.

Thankful For Small Blessings

I got back to work Wednesday morning. When I came in my to-do list had 4 things on it from the previous week. Not too bad. By the end of the day I'd completed 8 items with 7 left over. Thursday I completed 10 items and had 15 left over. Yes, I'm moving backwards this week. Watch me defy the laws of physics soon!

This morning while I was getting ready I started feeling pretty sorry for myself. I'm on this icky diet, I'm exhausted and I have 15 things to try to check off my list along with anything else that might just land on it. Poor me. So I pull out the new bottle of makeup I bought yesterday. The brand is called Boots and it's sold at Target. One of the reasons I picked it up was because they actually have testers in the store. No guessing at whether it matches or not. Cool. Usually you can only test makeup at boutique stores or department stores. I'm not big on shopping (except for books and craft supplies) so I hate going to the mall to do that.

Then I started thinking about the first job I had when I moved to Colorado. I worked at May D&F department store in the Women's Better Sportswear Department. Yes, I got to deal on a daily basis with just the type of women that description brings to mind. Most were okay. Some were just over the top. On Christmas Eve day they pulled me over to the perfume counter to help out because a lot of men wait to the last minute to shop then have no idea what to get so they go to two counters--perfume and jewelry. By the time my shift ended at 6:00 p.m., my head was splitting from having dozens of different perfumes sprayed at me and on me so they could be tested.

So today could be worse.